How I Became Radicalized [...or "Conscious"]

Let me start by saying that this is hard--writing about my shift in political views. Politics is a hard subject for people. I don't think it's because it is inherently a difficult subject. I think we've been told not to discuss either politics or religion from a young age, and so we don't. We're told not to discuss it, and yet we have personal attachments to politics, because politics play out every day in our lives. That's a toxic tension we give ourselves. Of course, there are reasons we've done this. Whether we're told this by the wealthy elite to keep us (the "ordinary" people) out of political and religious power, or whether people are naturally conflict avoidant is up for debate. I think there are a lot of factors at play in this idea that we should stay away from tough conversations, in general, and the two I mentioned are certainly factors in the idea that we should stay away from political and religious conversations.

Whatever the reasons, we Americans are taught not to discuss politics and religion. I've found in my own experience that folks in other countries discuss these subjects more freely than Americans. In Ireland, I talked about Brexit and the American elections with a cab driver. When I was in France, in 2017, all the talk was about the Catalan general strike. I think it is our aversion to these hard conversations that get us into situations of such polarizing vitriol, and keeps us bought into this sensational 24-hour news cycle, which only fuels the vitriol. You see exposure to anything over a time increases our tolerance to that thing. 

If we normalize these hard conversations, then maybe we wouldn't experience such extreme emotions when they do come up (which is always, since these things are part of our daily lives). And on the flip side, if we begin to break down and analyze some of the toxic and extreme "norms" to which we've grown tolerant, maybe we won't be so collectively stressed and unhealthy. But both methods here require hard conversations, tension, conflict, and a touch of suffering. We are going to have to suffer through our differences to build a better world, so to speak. I know that sounds dire, but I think that if we look at our own lives, we'll realize that our greatest changes and periods of growth came out of tension, conflict and a touch of suffering. I'm in the fitness world, and so I like to draw this analogy--you have to put your muscles under tension so that they'll grow. 

So here I am, talking about this hard thing--my shift in political views to the "radical left." First, let's start with this--"Radicalized," is not the word for my political transformation, though I believe the US government would disagree, as it sees politics on a linear spectrum. So, I've ventured too far to one end of the "extremes," therefore am "radical." "Politics" does not happen on a linear spectrum, just like most things in this world. It is nuanced and complex and affects us every single day. It is not a democrat v republican thing. It is not only elections and campaigns and policy. It is literally the structured way of life we operate under, and we need to come to an understanding of "politics." Or at least, you, my very few readers, need to know what I believe is at the heart of "politics," if you're to understand what I say about my "political transformation." 

Politics happen in everyday life, and the politics of old will always have influence over emerging political ideas. We evolve from the old and so how can we be independent of it? This is why polls are so unreliable--they only reflect the feelings of a certain few in a certain moment. There is a guy who has correctly predicted every presidential election since like Carter. He uses his own "algorithm" based on past elections, political trends, approval ratings, past approval ratings, etc, etc...but not polls. He looks at patterns, at political shifts, at cultural shifts, because these are all at the heart of politics. 

Of course there are those high-exposure events and facets of politics, like elections, and rallies, and "corruption," and "bipartisanship," and "insert political charged policy phrase." And sure there is that political compass, which is certainly more accurate than the American-battle-of-blue-v-red picture of politics. But the compass is yet another symbol (aren't we humans in love with our symbols). But the reality--devoid of symbol--is that "politics" plays out in each of our lives, every single day. 

Politics has given you the government you have, the laws, the every-day options like commodities you choose, the economic system (and everything that operates within it--from what stores you see to what you see in stores), and this concept of "country" we have. And here's the kicker, Politics has also shaped your view of the world from the time you stepped foot in a public school. You realize that local, elected officials, called the School Board, make a ton of decisions about what kids are, what you were, taught? Did you learn about Tulsa, in public schools? Me neither. 

Now, let's chew on this notion of indoctrination by our public schools, for a second, because it gets at the heart of why I believe "radicalization" is not the correct word for my shift in political ideology. We're seeing this notion play out in public schools across the country. Local and state governments are banning the teaching of ideas, and why? The simple answer is, because those ideas threaten what most adults were taught about this country, in their own public school education. And don't we all hate when our beliefs, our reality is challenged?

But this is the first step in "radicalization." To become "radicalized," you first have to unlearn the bullshit. This is not radical. This is immersing yourself in truth, and we all have different reasons for questioning our conditioning. My questions started coming when I was pretty young. As a lesbian, it was easy for me to see how our country wasn't as great as it claims to be. In fact, our country has been a big, violent bully to my people, and years of living scared in that trauma made it fairly easy to break my political indoctrination when it came time. And I believe that most with a public school education have to do this--we have to unlearn the bullshit we were taught. 

We have to unlearn that black people got their freedom after the Civil War, that they were given "40 acres and a mule," that they were treated like anything other than VIOLENTLY TERRIBLE by the people who begrudgingly released them to freedom. We have to unlearn the concept of "savage" as our white ancestors applied it to the indigenous population, living peacefully and harmoniously with Nature. We have to unlearn any notion our textbooks gave us that the genocide our government wreaked upon the Native population was necessary or right, in the course of "civilization" (genocide is never "civilized"). We have to unlearn that the Civil Rights Movement settled the score on racism (the same folks spitting on black students are alive today). And really we have to unlearn ANYTHING our country has taught us about economics, which has been very little, in my experience.  

These are hard things to do. When I lived in Richmond, VA, the capital of the confederacy, in the early '00s, I couldn't understand why anyone wanted to tear down historic statues either. I was racist in this view, and I am here today to tell you I was racist partly because of the conditioning I was given in public schools. If I knew that most of the historic statues were built years and years after the war, during the Jim Crow Era, to intimidate black folks, or that the war itself wasn't about "states rights" (just read the articles of separation from any southern state) or ANY of the truth behind what it was actually like to be an enslaved person in this country, I would not have had that notion. Here is my proof--I know these things now, and I do not have that notion; I have the opposite notion--tear that shit down (and some shame for my old views). 

But I had to go outside the white-canonized history of this country to learn truth and nuance. This is partly what "radicalized" me. During the long hot summer of 2020, a friend said something like, "I'm seeing a lot of my white friends get angry at stuff we've known for years." Gah, I was so mad at this--how was I kept in the dark? How could I let myself be content? Let me just answer that quickly--white privilege and PR (public) education. 

I was so upset that I'd been lied to, and there was no one person to blame. My parents, doing the best they could to raise me to be a good human, passed on the lies they were taught about our great country (my mom and I have an open dialogue about this and I think we're learning stuff together now). Our public schools, churn out kids who go to college to become teachers who feed kids the same lies they were taught. There was no beginning to this and no one person was to blame. The half-truths, omissions and lies our public school teaches are the product of centuries of white-washing, individual lies on specific subjects, individuals curating false images (like George Washington's "wooden" teeth [slave teeth is the truth]), etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. The point is there is no one single actor and nothing really to blame specifically for the mass-scale disinformation we feed our kids.

And this is where I was radicalized. In 2020, I watched that racist murderer sit on the neck of George Floyd for 9 minutes, and then I watched people I loved defend the murderer, and I despaired. How could any human, with any amount of humanity defend this obvious racist murderer? But then I thought of Trayvon Martin and how I'd bought into the idea of self-defense, at first, at first, simply because our media fed that shit to me. Think of what you're exposed to! 

Think of the news (it's not just public schools pushing false narratives for some ulterior purpose). Think of how the news is always pushing this "both sides" crap, even in the face of racism, violence, oppression, things that are obviously wrong and should be called as such. But also think of the cop shows on TV, in which the cops are always the good guys, their intuition is always right, and they're constantly "breaking the rules" to catch the perp. How ridiculous! In the real world, cops routinely shoot innocent people (like every day), they solve about 2% of reported crime, 40% are involved in domestic violence, in some way, and we're finding that wrongful convictions are very, very common. How can anyone give blanket support to this organization? How could a reasonable person NOT call for reform, defunding or abolition of this dangerous organization? Let me answer that--indoctrination. These people seem to have a notion that this profession is the equivalent of "good guy," or their indoctrination is racist and tells them they need to support anything another race is against (or some other factor like "my relative is a cop").

This was my tipping point. I'd seen the beginnings of BLM, during Obama's term and was a mild, hands-off supporter of the movement. In 2020, the words "All Lives Matter" came out of the mouths of some folks close to me, and I jumped to the defense of the movement. Even though I didn't know a lot about the struggle of BIPOC in this country, I knew this country is hateful to people outside the white, heterosexual norms of our "society." I knew, personally, of this hate, and so I believed people when they said this country is hateful to them. That's really all it took, after my eyes were opened--believing people. 

And so I started researching--not googling shit, actual research. I read (am reading) books, political theory, real history (like some Critical Race Theory and history from other countries, detailing our country's violence and oppression around the globe). I talk to people who know more than me. I follow YouTube channels that give educated political takes, teach theory and political history, and talk about foreign policy openly (that's another thing Americans are kept clueless from--what we destroy in other countries). I try to keep away from sensationalism and stick to scholarly research or takes from analysts who've done their research. All of this sent me deeper into my "radicalization."

I also lost my job during 2020, and I had to directly deal with the politics of governmental aid. I experienced, first hand, the neglect and contempt our government has for those in need, even when those in need are using services THEY HAVE PAID FOR ALREADY (note: the humans I interacted with, at unemployment, have been wonderful; my point is that the system is a neglectful and oppressive one). That's what unemployment is--a service WE pay for with our tax dollars. It is not a handout. It is an insurance policy. Money corporations get is a handout. I waited 3 months for my unemployment to kick in, while our government was lightening quick to offer corporate bailouts, more money for defense, and failing, at every turn, to slow down and protect the citizens from a deadly virus and equip them with resources to get through the coming hard times. 

I started to become acutely aware of how the profit motive influenced just about everything in our lives--how most of our interactions are more transactional than personal. I began to see and feel how our jobs consume us and our time, for the sake of profit. One of my Instagram friends told me this was "class consciousness." This was the moment, I think, when I realized I was a "radical" in my beliefs. It was also the moment that really turned my quest for knowledge towards political theory and the economy. 

And then came the key to my my radicalization. The one, core intention driving me to read and learn more is that I want my politics to align with my ideal world, with my morality, with my core personal beliefs. It wasn't enough that my eyes had been opened to some inconvenient truths, I want to vote for and support things and people I believe can lead us to a better world. So then here's something to consider: if my politics have become radical, then my ideal world must also be radical. It's not. That's the thing. That's why I don't believe I'm become "radicalized."

I want a world in which people have equal footing, from the start, a world of freedoms, in which we spend MOST of our time for ourselves, and not at a job, a world where we're also connected to the work we do and see the benefits it provides, instead of working for a check. I want a world in which people have plenty of options and resources, where we actually know about addiction and help addicts, where we know about mental illness and help those in need, where there are no homeless, where everyone has the option to be healthy and has access to healthy food (not just the crap we mass produce). I want us all to have more time for each other, which means less time for our bosses. I want a world in which we feel safe to be ourselves and have a healthy attitude towards difference. I want a world where we are connected with Nature and live in harmony with our Earth. 

This isn't radical. And it isn't too hopeful or idealistic. We already have all the resources and ability to make it possible, but it will require lots of shifts in view, much like mine (not mine exactly, of course). More people will have to come to understand the systems controlling us and more will also have to align their politics with their ideal world. And I'm not saying that my views are the way to make my ideal world happen. There is so much complexity and nuance I don't understand about politics, but I do know that our current systems--our electoral system, our governmental system, our economic system--are not making that world happen. They are killing people, while the wealthy elite destroy our Earth. 

This is not the world I want. I want my generation to be able to make a THRIVING WAGE, to be able to BUY A HOME, to not have to pay hundreds of thousands for something that should be free to everyone (education), to not go into lifelong debt because we get sick, to have resources available if we fall on hard times. None of these are readily available to my generation, and they are NOT IN SHORT SUPPLY. These things are being hoarded for profit through policy and oppressive systems. And we all need a little radicalization to see this and to realize the solutions to it.